“life will be better in spring”

December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 February 2012

Sometimes I do ask, what the heck do I really want? What is my life leading me to? Why am I heck undecisive in the things I do?

Exam in like in 10 days time? and I am hogging to my laptop blogging at the moment and went for movie and enjoying food and sleep? Sigh. At times, I seriously don't really know.

Had been in a sort of self denial in how much calorie intake and self images and stuff. I don't know why, I sometimes ask myself, is it that hard to just accept the way I am? Big, tall and erm, BIG? This issue does bother me a lot, I don't mind being tall, But then I mind being large. Look intidimating beside people who are way slimmer than I am. I tried, but I failed most of the time.

Exams has been a really killer. It got me emotional at times for not being able to understand what the heck I am reading. Headaches visit me regularly and last time when one panadol can do its job, I need 2 or 3 now and the pain last for days.

Its hard. and blogging seems to be a task for me.

Watched Marley and Me in Star Movies today and cried at the end. Heck. I didn't expect myself to sob till that extend. Was really glad that I'm alone in the hall and there's only sis at home. Sometimes its just normal to show your emotions, but be it at the right thing.

Being 20 isn't that bad afterall. But mentally and physically mature? Maybe. I am already physically mature. Mentally too I guess. At times I just don't understand, why some people can be so immature regardless how old is she/he? Studies shows that guys get mature wayy later than girls, which I really do agree. So girls, get yourself a mature guy. Not someone where he have to depend on you and childishly get emotionally down for some silly things.

At times I do wonder, how big a gap should be? We always talked bout that in Uni. When we mentioned that 'ohh, we can accept a range between 5-15 years'. How true is it? We never know. When I was out today, I saw a middle aged man and a young pretty women sitting together facing each other having lunch. At the first glance, it sure does look like a father and daughter, but apparently they are couple. A at least 20 years gap is just wayy to big, unless he don't look like 20 years older than you, its a different case all together.

Leaping into year 2 doesn't mean I am getting old. I am just getting ready to face the world.

Back to books. =